Sunday, April 11, 2010

Taking the Feelings Out of Love

I watched my first ever episode of Dr. Phil yesterday. Don't ask why. I guess my aunt just didn't feel like changing the channel to the news, even though we NEVER watch Dr. Phil. I have a lot of things against him, but I won't go into that.

This episode I happened to watch was about marriange. A big chunk of this was women who, while looking for someone to marry, have a list of traits they want in their partner. A list? Seriously? If someone asked me what I look for in a guy, I don't know what I'd say. I like funny, yes, but everyone likes to laugh. I like attractiveness, but looks matter to everyone, at least to some degree. I like blondes, but if you're a cute dark haired guy, I'm not going to be picky.

Then there are things like "no tattoos" and "no piercings." I dated a guy who had a cross tattooed on his arm with his father's initials because his father had died. I know a girl who has the symbol of her Bhuddism tattoed near her shoulder. They aren't the same as a naked mermaid and a spider web. Is it really fair to judge all people with tattooes the same way? Same with piercings. I dated a guy with pierced ears once. It's not like he wore 3 inch guages or gigantic hoops every day. I have another male friend who has a stud or two in his ear. I didn't even notice for the first few months I knew the guy. It certainly didn't change my opinion of him in the least bit.

Even if your list is a reasonable one, why throw someone out because they can't cook? Who says they can't learn? Maybe they'd be perfect if you really got to know them, but you won't give them that chance because you're hung up on the tattoo or lack of a college degree. I guess I just really don't understand how people can look for love using a piece of paper. Love is an emotion. It's not like you can go to the Build-A-Husband Workshop and pick out your favorite traits. Those traits aren't everything. If that's how women pick their husbands, I can see why so many couples get divorced.

When we approach love like buying a used car, we get satisfaction on the surface, yes, but no real depth. We get a good partner, but we don't truly get the perfect husband or wife.

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