What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

A bunch of my friends and I all agree that life would be at least 20% cooler if we could just forget about specializing and learn everything. School means you need to pick what you want to do for life, or otherwise spend ridiculous amounts of money to be in school your whole life learning everything, which you wouldn't be able to do without taking some stuff you learned to get a really well-paying career anyway. Here are some of the things I want to do, some of which I've seriously considered.

Writer

This was really the first serious career consideration of my life, I think. I wrote a story, which is absolutely terrible now that I look back on it, and everyone gave me tons of praise for it. It was a school project, so I read part of it to the class. It was way better than all the other kids', so it got shared by my teacher in the other classes, too. It was great. I felt like some sort of fantasy writing god. I really wanted to further that and go to school for writing courses. Now, I realize that most writing courses are totally superfluous if you already know tons about grammar, spelling, and story development. I've got a published book under my belt already, and I'm proud to be among the ranks of the other published authors out there, even if it is a self publication over Kindle. Writing is something I hope to be doing all my life, and though I'll likely never make a career out of it, at least I didn't have to go to school for annoying courses to figure that out.

Latin Teacher

This was my career choice up until quite recently. I love Latin. I think there's so much to learn from it. I also would love to be put in charge of a bunch of teenagers for an hour a day. In school, there are always the really bad teachers, and then there are the ones who actually make a difference in your life, and you'll remember them forever. I've seen far too many people go through hard times, and too often, teachers don't notice. I had a biology teacher who happened to be alone with me once when I had to make up a test. She had noticed that over the course of the year I had gotten a lot quieter and been looking more tired. I explained how stressful my home life was, and that it was really  getting to me and stressing me out. Out of my whole school career, she was the only one to ever notice that something was wrong, even beyond any guidance counselor I've ever dealt with. I'd like to think I would be that teacher for someone else. I also want to teach simply because I know I'd do a way better job than a lot of teachers I had. Too many teachers limit the way students learn and practice material. For every bad paper I've had to write, I thought up fun projects and such that would be by far more entertaining and engaging. I've learned more from all the posters I've made than the papers I skimped on because I didn't care.

Social Studies Teacher

I don't want to teach "Church Latin," a form that varies slightly from Classical Latin, the language spoken in ancient Rome. Church Latin changes the pronunciations, adds a bunch of Biblical words, and disregards old word order, instead using modern English word order. It's required in a lot of Catholic schools. I just really don't want to teach Latin to kids who don't care; I'd rather teach the kids that take the class because they're interested. My high school offered it, but they cancelled the Latin program. No other schools in my area offer it that I know of, and I like my area. Furthermore, dropping out cut a year and a half of Latin out of my life that should have been there, so making that up would have been difficult to begin with. I decided to go to school for social studies instead, but then art came up. 

Artist

This is my current attempt at a life. I got a digital drawing tablet for Christmas. It's my best friend (sorry, you people I use for board games, but I can't draw with you). It really got me back into drawing, which is a skill I'd sort of dropped a long time ago when other things took priority. I've improved a lot in the months I've been using it, and I really would like to get better. So far, I'm entirely self-taught, and that's really cool, but I think college will give me a little more discipline and direction in the areas I'm a little messy and lost.

Make Video Games

I've joined a few different video game teams working on things, mostly as a concept artist. I wrote some stuff for one of them, which was cool, but I wasn't in charge of the lore, so it was a little tough to do. Anyway, I think it's a lot of fun to contribute my skills to a team of people working to make something fun and exciting. I might do it more in the future. Right now, I've got lots of other stuff to do, and video game teams are demanding.

Make Music

I was really good at trumpet, but I haven't touched mine in a few years. I'm not great on keyboard, but I can do some stuff. I'd like to be better at guitar, but now that I've developed severe arthritis in my left index finger (I broke it a few years ago), that seems out of the question. I love my guitar, too, so I'm sad about it. I can sing pretty well, even though I don't like my voice, so that's the main thing I go for if friends want to start a band. I'd make it a full time career in an instant if I could. Sadly, it's not really something you go to school for and BOOM CAREER.

Run a Business

This was my goal somewhere between writer and teacher. I love making jewelry and stuff, and I think it would be really cool to have a store and everything. I've decided that it's a little too much responsibility, though, and not nearly enough free time to do the other stuff I want to do. 

Psychologist

I love psychology. I think it's fascinating, and the subject material just comes really easily to me. I understand it really well. The main reason I don't want to do it for a career is the long schooling needed to get started. I'd be learning too many things I don't care about.

Freelance ANYTHING

I would love everything forever if one of my random projects would take off and bring in enough income to live comfortably. That would be the best. I could do what I love and still have tons of time to dedicate to other things. 

Assassin

If only real life were D&D or something. T_T 

Daily Art - Curly Springy Thing

An unnamed fractal that I transformed into something much better. :P

Daily Art - "Industrial"

Things That Really Scare Me

We all have our phobias. Spiders, falling, and dozens of other things in varying degrees are among mine. Then there are the bigger things, some on which are unavoidable, that really make those phobias seem like nothing. Some of these may seem a little contradictory, but in my warped mind, they all make sense. So, in no particular order, here's a bunch of really serious things that make me want to freeze myself until a time when none of these happen.

Dying
Death is something that scares me quite a bit. It's not a spiritual reason; I have enough confidence in my beliefs that I'll get to where I need to go. I'm mainly very afraid that I'll die before doing things I want to do. With all the health problems I have (among them are an unhealthily fast metabolism and a heart rate that hits 200 resting), I worry a lot that I'm going to die young. I feel almost rushed to finish the things I want to finish. I want people to look at my life and appreciate all the things I've done. The last thing I want to do is die before I reach my goals.

Losing my Memory
I've always had an exceptionally good memory. I can clearly picture instances from as young as two years old. I have hundreds of songs memorized word for word, note for note, and I can rattle off tons of useless trivia. What I care about the most are the memories of my friends. I don't want to ever forget all the local concerts and dates and game nights and philosophical conversations. If I could, I would almost definitely have brain implants just to improve my memory. I'm just a really, really sentimental person, I guess.

Going Insane
There are times I feel like I'm losing my tentative hold on reality. It always freaks me out a little when I catch myself wondering if things are real or a figment of my imagination.

Being Hospitalized
As much as I like being alive, I never want to do it solely because of machines hooked up to my body. When this frail shell decides to stop supporting me, then it's time to go, in my mind. Even less-serious hospital stays scare me a lot. I've never had to stay overnight at a hospital, though I've been in plenty of times to have them tell me my racing heart and aching chest are showing no problems. I've laid on a bed with an IV in my arm for a few hours, and that wasn't as terrible as it could have been, but feeling cold fluid pump into my arm was unsettling, to say the least. I just don't look forward to the inevitable day when I have to spend the night in an unfamiliar bed while my health is in danger.

Driving
This is a weird one. I never want to drive. Not only does it terrify me, but I feel I would most certainly put other drivers in danger. I get nervous and adrenaline-y just thinking about it. First of all, I've a very jumpy person. Even just seeing someone outside the bathroom after opening the door, even if I know they're there, makes me jump. It's ridiculous, I know. The heart rate goes up and my chest starts to hurt because that's what happens when I get scared. I get severe pain and need to rest for a while. Do you really want someone like me driving in front of you on the road? Furthermore, my depth perception is practically nonexistent. I have very, very poor spacial reasoning. To top it off, my coordination is really damn bad.

Having Children
I don't want children. I don't like them. That should be clear to anyone who reads my blog, I think. Still, the thought has crossed my mind many times - what would I do if I got pregnant? I'm not entirely convinced that my body could handle the stress. My joints are weak, my muscles are weak, and I'm 95 pounds of five-foot-tall health concerns. My biggest concern is my metabolism. I have a small stomach, so I eat small amounts, but I eat very frequently. I can eat a full meal every three hours if I wanted to. I'm constantly hungry, constantly snacking, and during PMS, I'm binge eating like there's no tomorrow. My metabolism actually seems to have gotten a little faster over the past few years, and I've lost ten pounds that I'm unable to gain back. I don't think a metabolism like that would be very good at supporting me and a developing fetus. It barely supports me as it is. Major health concerns aside, the whole thought of pregnancy and childbirth scares the hell out of me. All the pains and stretching and gross things just make me never want to do it.

Getting Old
I want to live forever. That is, so long as I don't age. When I was 16, I developed arthritis. It's only gotten worse. My knees ache when I go up and down stairs. My lungs hurt if I walk too much. I already tell my boyfriend I must have the body of a 90-year-old. I really, really don't want to keep getting worse, but I know that's how it's going to go.

Losing a Sense
This would drive me crazy. I love music too much to live without my hearing. I can't do art if I lose my sight. I can't cook if I lose my taste or smell. You're screwed no matter what if you lose touch, but luckily, that doesn't really happen.

Surgery
I had to have a cavity filled a few years ago. I almost had a heart attack. I was shaking and everything. It was all sort of terrible. It wasn't even that bad. I can't imagine having to be unconscious for something. With the major surgeries, that fear of dying or being hospitalized comes into play, too. Surgery is just something that will ruin my life on of these days.

Daily Art - "Cosmic Oils"

The Importance of Graphics in Video Games

The games today look great. There are games with super realistic faces, others with really smooth movements, and some with fields of grass that look like photographs. It's all very good at immersing you in the game play - but is it really necessary?

Let's take The Elder Scrolls for instance. I'm a huge fan of Morrowind. The whole world is so thoroughly developed, with a massive assortment of items and tons of NPCs to encounter, all of whom are named. Then we have Oblivion. It's by no means bad. It looks fantastic if your computer can handle it, and the fully voiced dialogue is really nice. The quests are interesting, and you get to do a bunch of fun stuff you didn't have in Morrowind. I was disappointed, however, in how many items, skills, and even land Bethesda left out. Personally, I would have enjoyed the game a lot more if they hadn't put so much time into the graphics and instead focused on making a world as detailed as Morrowind.

I hear a lot of people say similar things about Final Fantasy XIII. I've never played it myself, but I have seen it. When my friends list the great features it has, they say one thing: "It's pretty." As nice as it looks, that doesn't make me want to play it.

I don't think enough games try for unique-looking graphics. In the end, most have the same goal, and that is to look as real as possible. Okami is a good example of an interesting graphic style. The painted look is still very attractive while making the game stand out. Furthermore, those graphics are much easier to run, so there's more room to work on the plot and mechanics and such.

I'm not saying that graphics are unimportant and that we should revert to pixel art (though pixel art is gaining popularity among indie developers). It'll be really cool to eventually play games where the characters look like real people. I do think, though, that we should focus just a little less on making our games look incredible and put a little more into making them incredibly fun.

Daily Art - "Undine"