Resolutions

Alright, 2012. You're just over two weeks old, and already I've dumped a whole ton of projects on you, and I expect cooperation. I'm hoping to do all of these things (at least to some extent) by the time 2013 comes around. Or we all die. Whichever comes first.

Enlightenment

Sometimes, things are generally uninteresting until you get that tiny spark that starts a landslide of information and education. I think I've found my spark to start seriously looking into metaphysical studies. 

Fantasialund

This is a secret (mostly) project I'm working on. Only a few people know about it so far, and it's sort of big. I've been working on it a little at a time for a few days now.

College

I still have to apply and stuff. I'll be starting in the fall for visual arts.

Among the People Lost Prequel

I'm writing two. One is started, and it needs to be finished. 

Latin

I have a Latin book. Let's relearn all that dead language stuff I forgot.

Stay Relatively Healthy

When I worked at Target seasonally, lifting 40 pound bags of dog food and cat litter rebuilt a lot of muscle I'd lost over the past few years, where the only activity I saw was moving my laptop around. I'd like to keep doing stuff to stay sort of in shape.

Read

I don't read as much as I used to. I just bought a book on eBay two days ago, and I should just suck it up and buy some downloadable ebooks so I don't have to spend so much money on bad literature.

Garden

Tim and I decided to have a veggie and herb garden this year. We found habanero pepper seeds at Wal-Mart.

Throw a Doom's Day Party

What better way to end the world than with a party? Related, I plan on waking up on December 22nd.

Keep the Magazine Going

My webzine is doing okay. I want it to stay at okay and rise up to pretty well. 

Be More Organized

I made a prioritized to-do list, and I'm hoping to force some better time management on myself to keep myself from getting so distracted.  

Writing Tip #9

My NaNo novel is not even close to being complete. It's at 15,000 words and falling to bits. Mainly, I keep hitting this major issue of trying to decide what the hell I'm going for. On one hand, it's a fantasy. It has demons, spirits, and general supernatural stuff like demonic powers. On the other hand, however, most of that isn't 100% fictional. A lot of it has roots in mythology, religious texts, and the general knowledge (whether or not you believe in it is another thing) of how we understand demons, ghosts, energy, and death.

Unfortunately, it also has a huge amount of influence by Catholicism. I say "unfortunately" because religion is always touchy. I'm well aware that very few people will be able to look at this story the way I intend it, and the last think I'm trying to get my readers to do is go fall in love with someone who signed their soul over to the devil. It's intended to be a story about sacrifice and redemption, not devil worship and murder.

The biggest problem is that my story is set tentatively in the 1400s or so in an alternate, more fantasy-like England. This brings me (finally) to my next writing tip.

Tip #9: Accuracy Versus Perceived Accuracy

One of the things I really prided myself on when writing Among the People Lost was my attention to detail and keeping things very accurate. I used a car at one point that had front-wheel drive, so I researched what cars are front-wheel drive. I know most people wouldn't catch the details like that, but for the car people who read that, they'll think it's impressive that I was right.

Naturally, since The Devil's Blade takes place in a 1400s setting, I did research on the middle ages to be as accurate as possible. I then realized that I was screwed.

When you think of chivalry and medieval romance, you probably think of something like knights wooing the local women with flowers and kisses on the hand and such. That would have been doable. What I learned, though, is that the romantic kiss-on-the-hand came 200-300 years later, and no one gave flowers. Instead, it was all love letters, singing, and poetry. I think the Grim Reaper would lose at least half of his badass points if he regularly burst into a romantic song or poem. 

Clothing is also an issue. You certainly don't think of a reaper running around in tights, pointy shoes, and a doublet, or the female love interest of the story wearing an unattractive, shapeless gown sort of thing and covering her head.

It's becoming more and more obvious as I write this that I can't have a halfway decent romance novel if I don't break away from medieval accuracy and aim for a more medieval fantasy setting. Most people are going to think a kiss on the hand is totally time-period appropriate anyway, so why not use it? Boots existed. They may not have been common, but who cares? Let's put the reaper in boots. So what if no one gave flowers? Let him give her a rose, dew frozen on the petals by the cold that emanates from his unearthly body.

There's this big gap between how the middle ages actually were and how we tend to think of them. The truth is, medieval romance is outdated. It's not even what we would consider "romantic" anymore, in a lot of cases. Beyond that, most marriages were arranged until the 1600s. This story wouldn't even be happening.

Some things need to stay the same regardless, though. Premarital sex (which there is admittedly a lot of in Among the People Lost) is pretty much out of the question, especially given that both main characters are religious. Jewelry and women's rights are minimal at best. My lead female won't be going around doing any fighting like Solstice does in Among the People Lost. Religion plays a big part in every day life; this is when Catholicism really got big, and that can't really change.

I've really just hit this point where I have to abandon a lot of accuracy to get the effect I want to get. It goes against everything I taught myself to do when writing science fiction, but fantasy is not science fiction. There's much more room to modernize and adapt, and sometimes, that's what you need to do. 

Religious Intolerance

Let me interrupt my daily artwork and useless lists with something serious. I don't associate with any particular religion, though I've said in the past that I most closely identify with pagan beliefs that we should treat others with kindness and respect, be thankful to nature for all that it provides us and try to take care of nature in return, and just generally be nice and peaceful. Occasionally, someone will ask me why I don't have a religion, and the answer is simple: I don't like all the intolerances that religions preach.

 

I'm going to pick on Christianity for a minute here, so bear with me. I have seen so many sites, books, magazines, etc. written "in the name of God" that talk about how gays are evil, how we should try to get the whole world to abandon their own religions and convert, how pagans are evil and worship the devil, and so forth.

 

In my opinion, if you're using your religion to preach hatred and intolerance, you're doing it wrong. Hating people for who they naturally are, what they believe, and what they do is all sorts of morally wrong, and when you start preaching those views to others, you're just inciting more hate. That isn't what religion is about.  Religion is about devoting yourself to something you love. It's not a tool for violence and prejudice.

 

There are, of course, the people who also have incredibly radical beliefs and refuse to learn all the facts, then they spread hatred and half-truths to get others to think the way they do. On one hand, it's absolutely comical to read the claims that communism is a secret weapon of the Illuminati, and on the other, it's really pathetic that someone can believe so fully that a Greek god of fertility is a god of rape. 

 

I just think it's really sad to see so many people who worship a being that's all about love hating so many things. My boyfriend's parents are a great example of this. They won't hate you if you're gay, but there's no chance in hell they'd go to a non-Christian wedding. They see that as "supporting the movement," even though it has nothing to do with any movement and has everything to do with supporting the people you love. It recently came up with my boyfriend that if we ever get married, the ceremony will likely be a pagan hand-fasting ceremony. We're 100% certain that they would refuse to attend their own son's marriage just because it's a religion they don't want to "support."

 

In short, stop it with all the hate. You're not making the world a better place; you're making it a more divided place. 

Weird Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

I assume my boyfriend knows all of this stuff (since he lives with me), and I imagine a lot of it has come up around our closest friends as well. For the rest of you, I make no sense. These are in no particular order (sorry), and some are much more serious than others.

I eat my oatmeal dry.

It's gross when it's warm and mushy. D: I use a spoon and eat it right out of the packet.

I went to court for truancy.

In 4th grade, I had a lot of really bad friend issues. The girl I thought was my best friend was sort of terrible, and then she was worse when I decided I'd had enough of her. On top of it, there was this other girl that wasn't mature enough to handle any of the stuff we were going through. They were pretty much the only friends I had, and I missed a lot of school. In 5th grade, it was a new school building with the older grades, and the four elementary schools are all put together and shuffled around. The grade is split up into two "teams" where each team has like, 5 teachers. You might move around in your own team, but you would never do anything with the other team. That means I have like, no friends in my classes (in fact, there was only one person in my class that went to the same elementary school as I did), no one to talk to at lunch, and an unfamiliar environment. Instead of giving me help or trying to set it up so I could work from home because I clearly had severe issues, there was a time when I was carried by the principal to his office, forced onto a school bus, and generally humiliated on a regular basis by my teachers. I missed enough school that I had to go to the magistrate and risk going into foster care, which probably would have led to me running away or committing suicide, to be totally honest. My own family has trouble dealing with my food habits and personal endeavors; a new family would have no chance. Anyway, it all worked out and the one girl I knew sort of adopted me, and even though she lives across the country now, we're still great friends. I obviously stayed with my own family and continued on in school, only to later drop out against my will (though I should have done it anyway). Still, the whole experience was a big pile of trauma that I really didn't need.

I taught myself how to read.

I used to make my family read me stories constantly. I would follow along with the words, and before I knew it, I recognized tons of words. I was able to read books by myself without any of them lifting a finger to teach me anything. As I moved into more advanced books, I picked up grammar and punctuation like it was nothing. English classes refined what I already knew. I knew college-level grammar rules by middle school. Latin really helped pull it all together. After all, we had to understand our own grammar before we could put it in Latin.

I play trumpet really damn well.

I picked up the trumpet for band in 5th grade. Needless to say, my frequent absences made me one of the worst. I stayed after school with our horrible teacher, and she told me to quit and pick up a different instrument because I had an overbite. My dentist, by the way, says I do not. Anyway, I somehow learned it all really fast, because by freshman year of high school, I was the best of my grade's trumpets. All that with minimal at-home practicing (and none after like, 7th grade).

Dogs kind of scare me.

I've been around cats my whole life. When I was little, we had a dog, but we kept her outside, so I never interacted with her at all. When I went to friends' houses, sometimes they had dogs that would bark at me and jump on me and lick me. It was the scariest thing ever. I've pretty much gotten over it now, but I still don't like jumpy dogs. I'm usually just worried they'll knock me over and drool on me. I also don't want to get scratched by them, even though I know in most cases the dogs mean no harm.

I've never done laundry in my life.

I've helped at the laundromat before we had our own stuff, but that was when I was like, 10 and younger. Don't make me do laundry. It probably won't end well.

I taught myself how to cook.

I never cooked anything other than the occasional baked goods before I was 17 or so. When I started having health problems, my sleep schedule got all screwy, and I was often up at night with only my boyfriend. I learned how to make tons of baked goods, and from there, I taught myself how to do meats and stuff. Now I'm totally self-sufficient and make better meals than the rest of my family. I even have my own way of making rice, which I had never even eaten until a few months ago.

October is my favorite month. 

Fall is my favorite season. I love the temperature - perfect for a light jacket - and the smell of leaves. October is pretty great. I love Halloween, my birthday comes on the 23rd, and it's a whole month dedicated to pumpkin bread, hayrides, corn mazes, and pretty leaves.

A good example of Octoberness.

I'm terrified of soccer.

I have next to no coordination with my feet. I was lucky I survived marching band. Add to that an incident where I got hit in the face with a soccer ball and got really swollen, and you'll find that it's one of the worst things you can ever make me do. I'm just not aggressive enough to like sports, and in soccer, it's aggressive or get yelled at my the teacher.

I hate guys who give me special treatment because I'm female.

I've always had friends who were male. In elementary school, most of my friends were boys. In high school, the main group I hung out with (and still often see) was a bunch of big guys who played video games and looked really damn intimidating. Despite the fact that I was like, a third of their size and hardly played games, we got along great. I've had lots of my guy friends tell me they think of me as just "one of the guys," and that means a lot to me. To contrast, I've worked with people on projects who think they need to be careful not to offend the girl of the group. They're nice to me so they don't hurt my feelings. They don't joke with me about the same things, or tell me which porn stars they think are really hot. It's frustrating. In ways, I think on a more masculine level anyway; I don't care about the petty drama that a lot of girls do, and I don't feel the need to flirt with every male in the vicinity to get get what I want. The guys I'm used to don't care about any of that crap either. Also, despite the fact that some of them look like they could and would break someone in half, they're there to listen if I want to open up about a relationship I'm in or something. That's what I'm used to. I don't want the mindset that you shouldn't hit girls, that girls are easily upset, that girls get offended if you talk about your man parts, and etcetera. If you're a guy that really wants my friendship, than don't treat me any differently than the other guys you hang around. Give me the same hand-reddening high fives and complain about your girlfriend.

My religious views are confusing.

I'm not a Christian, but I believe God exists. I refuse to serve a being who supposedly created life with a free will and expects that life to obey his every command. That being said, I think most of the Bible is a load of crap. I believe most deities exist, and I do not believe any one of them is omnipotent, or even close to that. I think they are simply immortal beings on another plane of existence who offer protection to their followers. I believe there is a measure of truth in all religions, but I don't believe any of them entirely. Pagan beliefs are the closest to my own, so I suppose if I had to label myself, I'd say I was a pagan. I believe in an afterlife, and also in a form of reincarnation. I don't believe in an eternal punishment for your actions in your tiny amount of years on this Earth. I believe sin is dictated by the people of the world, not by a deity. I believe that we are here to learn about ourselves and our spirit's past forms on our way to bettering ourselves, much like the concept of Nirvana. I will not dedicate myself to a being. I have respect for the laws of society and the people I interact with, and I am doing what I can to improve the world of the living. I will not offer praise to a being on another plane of existence. I believe in fate, but not in karma. I believe our origins are mostly evolutionist. I think everything happens for a reason, and that if we spend a lifetime working towards one goal, that is how we were meant to spend that lifetime. Perhaps we'll never see it come to fruition, but a century later, the work will be recognized; maybe it was all useless, but it will prevent others from following the same path. Either way, I believe everything coincides with other events, and everything is connected.

I am allergic to two specific laundry detergents.

Gain and Dynamo both have a chemical that makes me really, really itchy. I don't know what chemical it is, so I don't know what others have it, but those two do for sure. I think it's the only specific allergy I have, other than nickel, which almost everyone has.

I would rather be in a snake pit than have one spider on me.

I like snakes. I think they're really cool, and I also know how to not agitate them. Spiders want me dead. Every time I see a spider, I ask someone to kill it. If they don't, it ends up crawling up my leg sometime later on. Never fails. It's like they see me as this all-you-can-eat buffet.

I can't wear thongs.

I disagree 100% with anyone who says they're comfortable.

I've never watched porn.

Seems awkward. XP

I'm slightly lactose intolerant.

I can eat milk in my cereal, but I prefer 2%. Whole milk makes me a little nauseous. A lot of 2% will, too, but it's usually okay to have a bowl or two of cereal. 1% and skim are just yucky.

I have really, really dry skin.

If I dry off too much with a towel, I might just disintegrate. 

I like guys with either blonde or black hair.

Even though they're opposites, those two colors are the best. Style depends drastically on the person, though I made this thing on DeviantART and noticed that I'll probably really like you if your face is obscured by your hair. (Mechazawa is a joke. Pay no attention to that. XD)

Also, I apparently like guys who are sadistic and/or mass murderers.

I can't stand whistling.

It gives me a very, very bad headache. I don't know why. If it's low, it's tolerable, but I still hate it.

I love really soft fabrics.

This is probably because of my dry skin, really. I'm way more likely to buy a shirt because of how soft it is over how nice it looks. Luckily, there's Deb, and most of the shirts they sell are both. I recently bought a nice blanket at Borders that's pretty much the softest thing I can use to make myself into a burrito. Best $16 I ever spent.

I flip between being dominating and submissive.

There are situations where I'm totally fine with taking orders, mostly when I don't want responsibility or want to trust someone's judgement. Other times, I want control over every minute detail. Let's not even go near the sexual implications of this.

I have weird elbows.

When I extend my arm, the joint can go past 180 degrees. I can actually touch the insides of my elbows together. My friends say they look broken. It's pretty funny. I'm also able to lick my elbow. 

I don't like chocolate things.

Specifically, chocolate cake, frosting, and ice cream. I love marble cake, though. It's my favorite. I can eat chocolate cake and icing, but they're usually just too sweet for me. I only ever do so when PMS drives me into a chocolate-craving frenzy. I always regret it afterwards.

I hate feminism.

Dear women of the world: without men, you wouldn't exist. My mother is one of those women who jumps at any opportunity to say things like "that's a guy for you" or "men are worthless." It gets irritating really fast. It's a good part of why I generally like guys more. Sure, you have the occasional remark about how women make no God damn sense, but there's never this idea that the world would be better without them. Feminist women seem to think we'll be able to reproduce asexually one day and that the male gender will become obsolete (my mother believes this, by the way), and I'm sorry (I'm not), but that's just ridiculous. Plus, I love men. They can fit any need, from cuddly and adorable to sex god. That's more than you can say about most women, who range from petty ditz to sort-of-compassionate ditz.

Look how cute it is. Don't you want one?

I'm pretty good at real-time strategy games.

Age of Mythology is a fantastic game, and I'm pretty decent at it. My able-to-do-500-things-at-once mind is very well suited to the multitasking you need for RTS games.

I'm a democrat.

Plain and simple. My views are pretty moderate, but definitely lean more left. 

So I guess that's about it for now. There's tons of other stuff I could add, but for now, I guess you know a little more about me that you probably didn't know already.

Daily Art - The Four Fractals of the Apocalypse

I did a series of four fractals, one for each of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. :D

Daily Art - "Cross Mosaic"

Past Lives and Religious Connections

A belief exists that our old soul is reincarnated partially into our next life. Through hypnosis, some people search for their past lives and try to make peace with themselves. My boyfriend is a dedicated Christian, and he does not believe in reincarnation, yet he believes in spirits. Ghosts are merely energy. Their energy can be measured by scientific equipment. There is a law of science that energy can niether be created nor destroyed, only redirected. When our consciousness crosses over into the afterlife (Heaven, Hell, or any other place), it crosses into an entirely new plane of existence. Where, then, does our body's energy go? Isn't it possible that some of that energy is recycled into forging new souls and thus creating the "past life" effect?

I don't think there is one single theory that reigns supreme. Just because Christianity does not explain reincarnation and would classify it under the work of Satan does not mean that reincarnation does not exist to a degree. There are many connections between ancient religions and mythologies, including Christianity. I believe that all reliegions refer to the same diety and angels by different names. For example, the Bible's Revelations describes an angel sounding a horn to herald the end of the world. In Norse mythology, there is a god Heimdall who sounds a horn at the beginning of Ragnorok, the Norse end of the world. Twins are present in many ancient mythologies; Castor and Pollux (the Gemini twins of Greek myths), Freya and Freyr (Norse), and Apollo and Artemis to name a few. I believe it is possible that the many ancient cultures saw the same immortal beings that the Christians believe in, but named them differently and termed all of them "gods." As for the many differences, people have embelished things and made up tales since the beginning of time. People need something to trust in and follow, as well as an explanation for the simplest of phenomena. If people saw an immortal being create water, for instance, they would most likely consider them a god of inundation or rain.

Now that I've gotten completely off track, I'm going to stop. Keep in mind that my views may be entirely wrong, and you won't here me telling anyone that I think I'm right. I'm merely sharing my view of my findings.