Moving

Moving is a weird thing. It's been a long time since I moved into the house I'm now leaving behind in favor of an apartment with my fiancée. He took a promotion at the Walmart in Wilkes Barre, PA, about an hour away. We found a great little place and we're mostly moved in.

It's odd to have to pack up years of accumulated memories, sifting through what I can take and what I'm leaving, separating the person I used to be from the person I am now and cutting ties with things that no longer hold meaning. Photographs of people I haven't spoken to in years, ex boyfriends, and friends that probably don't even like me anymore don't have a place in my life, and it's kind of hard to let all of that go.

Will is already living at the apartment and doing his new job. I, meanwhile, am stuck in a half demolished room miles away. It's lonely and depressing, and the empty shelves aren't making it any better.

I can't wait to get my transfer through so I can get fully moved in. The two nights apart have seemed like weeks. The drain on my bank account has been enormous, and the drain on my energy from constant driving and packing and unpacking is even worse. I'm ready for everything to be done already so I can get on with my life.

NaNoWriMo 2012

I'm once again pushing myself to write 50,000 words in 30 days. It'll go better this year, I promise. I'm completely restarting The Devil's Blade, which I started last year and failed to complete.

This year, I've had a year to think of better ways to do it. I have an outline written out. I shifted from a focus on Catholic lore to the Pagan aspects of the lore, though both always were and will be present. I've fantasized it up and stopped worrying about the accuracy of the 1400's.

It should be quite a bit better.

I'm also in sort of a competition with a coworker who will be watching my word count closely. There will be write-ins closer to home, so I'll be doing those, too.

Overall, should be a much better year than last year. For the Wrimos finding my blog through the NaNo site, welcome and enjoy the ridiculous writing tips!


About The Devil's Blade

Valdius is the Grim Reaper, a collector of souls that have been sold to the devil. Valdius possesses unearthly powers and immortality, quietly following orders to kill while holding onto what little humanity he has left. When he meets Anastera, a mysterious woman with abilities of her own, Valdius must tread carefully to keep her out of the devil's grasp without getting caught himself.

Pinterest

I've been spending quite a lot of time over on Pinterest lately. For those of you unfamiliar with the site, it's basically a place for digital hoarders to "pin" links to stuff they like and share it with their friends. It's a nifty way to see what kind of things your friends are up to, find lots of new ideas, and share cool stuff you find online.

I think one of the best things about Pinterest is the positive atmosphere. Design-wise, the site looks nice. It's not quite minimalistic, but it's far from cluttered. It's bright and pleasantly styled. On top of that, there's the concept of the site itself. The whole premise revolves around sharing things you love. Everyone on the site is on there looking for things that make them happy, then passing that happiness on to their followers. Even if I'm not particularly interested in things my friends repin, it's still nice that they liked it enough to share and added a smiley face.

It's a refreshing break from Facebook, where you'll get posts ranging from furious to ecstatic and everything in between. Pinterest is a nice change of pace from the drama and low points of life, instead focusing entirely on stuff that's interesting, funny, cute, or clever.

I think that's a lot of why I'm on that site so much. I love trying new craft projects and finding new artwork, and I always find something I haven't thought of yet. Digging through all that stuff and being really excited to try a new project is a great way to spend an hour after wearing myself out at work all day.

Go check out Pinterest!

My Boards -> http://pinterest.com/eternalnight11/

LGBT Pride Month

As I'm sure most people on the internet know, June is LGBT Pride Month. It's a month for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transexuals (among others) to accept who they are, the straight members of the community to show their support against prejudice and harassment, and the closed minded people of the community to lose a couple friends by being jerks.

Pride seems like an interesting word for this sort of thing. I've heard the argument that it's weird to be so proud of what you were born with when there's the same chance any random person is the same way. The way I see it, it's not a flaunting sort of pride, but rather an accepting one.

If you grow up getting complimented on your blue eyes in an area where brown is the majority, I bet you'd appreciate having them. If you grow up being picked on for being different, you're going to resent them and wish you could change. Same with being gay. It wasn't up to you, and in today's society, you are, in fact, a minority. You have likely been picked on, oppressed, and shunned. To overcome that negativity and come through it accepting yourself for who you are, getting to the point of liking yourself and readily expressing yourself without fear, is its own form of pride.

I know a big divide is the one between religion and the LGBT community. Screw them. I know gay Christian ministers and I've seen religious figures trying to change the way the church sees things. Remember that no god, whether the Christian God, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, or freakin' Zeus, would preach hatred and intolerance. Those are human ideals; not divine ones. If religion is something you want, there are accepting people in every following that aren't blinded by what they're told.

Keep being yourself. Keep liking yourself. The ones who don't accept you aren't important; the ones that support you are. 

Writing Tip #15

I'm participating in Camp Nanowrimo, which is the same as normal Nano, but less formally organized and such. Probably not coming near a 50,000 word novel, but I'm trying, at least. I just kind of fell on this particular idea I hold when I write, and I figured I'd blog about it instead of raising my word count.

Tip #15 - Keep love levels realistic.

Assuming you're not writing a romance story, love is something a lot of writers tend to avoid using as the main focus. We typically care more about how our hero's battle with the dragon progressed or how far the adventurers are from home than what was in the letters they sent home to their lovers.

Still, having a little love - even just a little attraction or a few sexual encounters - is important and realistic. Romance is a part of life. Very few of us go through life without ever falling for someone, liking someone they can't have, or making a mistake with their best friend.

When I wrote Among the People Lost, I didn't have a set plot in mind, and all the romance I put in really pushed it in a different direction than what I think I was going for. I think it worked out in the end, but someone reading it for the post apocalyptic setting might not get as much out of it.

If we look at works of major importance, regardless of setting, there's typically always at least a little romance present. It's what gives characters drive to defeat their foes, seek brutal revenge, or find their way home. The Lord of the Rings movies have a wedding after the day is saved, partly symbolizing the rebirth of happiness and peace after the war. I Am Legend (both book and movie) has a main character who frequently has flash backs to his wife and child, both of whom died years ago. Just to shift to video games for another kind of love, Drakengard's main character is a sadistic psychopath killing to avenge his parents and protect his sister.

Love of all kinds is a great way to make a point, especially where missed chances are concerned. Killing off your main character's love interest before he has an opportunity to tell her how he feels is the perfect way to ruin his life for a little while. It can really help make a point of the sacrifices involved in going off to save the world or being too lost in finding himself.

Like everything, I think it's all about balance. You'll have some characters who will abandon the quest to start a family, some who will fight side by side with their partners, and some who will never have any interest in any of your other characters. You'll have the over-protective and the tragically unrequited. You'll have romantic and platonic and fraternal. To some degree, though, you'll have it. 

Forgotten Tunnels

I had a pretty miserable year most of 2011. There were some highlights, sure, but most of it was downright bad. It was bad enough that it leaked into 2012, with January and February seeing the worst depression I'd had in a while, if ever. I was starting to think I was completely losing my mind and all fragments of myself, and I wondered often if I'd ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it was a tunnel that only went down into the dark, or it was a dead end. It might never open up again.

Sometime around the 10th - 12th of March, Tim and I were at Denny's for dinner. When we were leaving, I asked if we needed anything from Walmart, since it was late and that was one of the few things open. I just really felt like going, I guess. I like wandering around Walmart. Well, we went, and we met up with a friend I had worked with at Target. She was also a seasonal hire there, so, like me, Target dropped her when the season ended. She told me to apply.

I can't explain the draw I suddenly had for Walmart, and if I tried, it would sound so absurd. I'm sure not many people look at Walmart and say, "Oh my God, I absolutely positively want to work there. That seems like the best idea I've ever heard!" I hadn't even been actively looking for a job. I was still way too busy being sad that I existed, but I went home, got on my computer, and applied.

Needless to say, I got the job, and that was probably the best spontaneous and stupid decision of my life. Because of my job, I'm far healthier, both physically and mentally. I posted about the end of my relationship with Tim and the beginning of one with my coworker Will, and almost a month of officially dating later, we're doing great. We're both wonderfully happy to be together, and I think we're improving each other's lives a lot without even really trying.

Look at this guy. He's adorable!

Because of the hours of my job, I barely see my family anymore, which means much less stress at home. I wake up, Will gets me for work, I enjoy a day of unloading trucks and moving things, and then Will returns me to my house, where I usually make him food and we talk for hours about very random things like lemon turtles. He's there for me when I'm too tired to scoop my own ice cream, and I'm there for him when he's hacking up a lung and needs soothing tea.

I was just looking back over my blog earlier tonight and saw all the posts about being very depressed. It feels like that tunnel I was in is now a lifetime behind me, completely overgrown and hidden away. It feels like everything has settled into place, like everything is where it should be, and like this is how it was supposed to be all along. 

Love and Stuff

I'm mostly posting this for the friends on Facebook who are probably very confused about the change in relationship status. Well, it's going to get more confusing.

Tim and I have known for a months that there was a very strong possibility he would be moving to Florida. There were times I really wanted to go with him, and times I really wanted him to stay. Sometimes I felt like he was abandoning me or pushing me aside, even though I consciously knew that there was so much more to it than that.

The people he knows in Florida are very important and special to him. He'll have a far better life down there than he's known up here in Pennsylvania all his life. At the same time, the life he's going into just isn't a life for me, and a large part of me has always known that. We've seen a break up coming for a long time.

He decided not too long ago to make a visit to Florida, and we decided that would be a deciding factor. Obviously, he decided to move down there, so we ended our relationship.

Here's the other big chunk of fun. It's called Will.

About two weeks before Tim would be leaving for Florida, I started talking with one of my coworkers. I'm not a very outgoing or social person with new people, but I opened right up to Will, and we got really close really fast. We were texting constantly and started going out to lunch together at work.

When Tim went to Florida, Will was my ride home most of the week. Sometime during that time, whether it was in my kitchen while I cooked him dinner or at the table where I talked to him about work, we got really damn attached.

Everyone at work noticed, of course. There were lots of jokes about it, and we didn't care. It was better to laugh about it at work than try to hide it and go home unhappy. There's no shame in admitting you care about someone. Still, there was the return of Tim looming on the horizon, and we had only a vague idea of where things would go from there. 

As it turns out, Tim found his calling in Florida. He found everything he could have ever wanted, all rolled up in one little town. When he came home, we talked for hours about our situations, laughed over the absurdity of it all, and mutually decided that everything had worked out far better than either of us had expected. We decided that his place is in Florida with his friends, and mine is here, with Will.

I'm sure that all seems to be some combination of stupid, sudden, and bizarre. In the end, we all know what we're doing is for the best. I'm very happy with Will. It's the kind of happiness that kind of overuled all other happiness and even took away the attraction I had for Tim. I've never experienced anything like it before. Tim's calling to Florida is the same. In that one week, we found where we need to be, and we're completely okay with the fact that our places are taking us in different directions. It's sad to see a long relationship end - it always is - but we'll stay friends, and there are absolutely no hard feelings on either side. After a long time of uncertainty, everything feels right, and in the end, that's what matters most.