Friday, August 19, 2011


We live in a world where "contacting" someone is as simple and fast as sending a text, or writing on their personal wall, maybe even on their own website or blog. We can find people we haven't spoken to in years and see what they've been up to just by reading the info they put out for others to see. It seems like we'd want to stay in touch with anyone and everyone, since it's so easy, but that really isn't the case.

I've never met my father. He and my mom were never married, and their six year relationship ended when my mom was pregnant. I don't know the details, and really, I'm not sure that it matters a whole lot. There's this guy that contributed to my existance that's had no contact with me whatsoever, and no amount of details will condemn him or justify that.

I imagine a lot of people in my situation would do what I've done and look him up. I've found him on Facebook, found his son, and his wife, and even his step daughter, if I remember correctly (which I may not). All I have to do is hit that "send message" button, type up some quick thing, and wait for a response, if there would be one at all. Will I ever do it? Maybe, but not for a long, long time.

It's weird to think about, that someone that important is only a click away and I'm unwilling to reach out. I just don't think I'm ready for all the conversations that would come up, and maybe even worse, I'm not ready for the rejection or lack of a response that I may get. The whole thing is just sort of confusing.


  1. I've seen other people in this sort of situation. My cousin never really knew his father as he was the product of a date rape and a good friend of mine never knew hers because her parents split up when she was really young. My cousin still likely doesn't know his father and he's been pretty well off with out him. My aunt loves him and he's had a healthy and happy live with out him in it.

    My friend on the other hand probably could have used a father figure in her life, but by the time she got around to finding him and trying to get him back into it, he wasn't really that appreciative of it and things spiraled down for both parties.

    It really can go a multitude of ways if you do send him a message. It can be a happy reunion, long talks about why he decided to not be there for you or your mother could ensue, he could flat out ignore you. But the bigger question should be: do you need him? What has his absence done to or for you that the hole would need to be filled in? Or has him not being there really done anything at all to you?

    If you need it, regardless of the outcome, go for it. If you're happy with out him, you're probably better of not knowing and possibly ruining that mellow.

  2. It's by far more a curiosity than a need. I don't know that anyone is better off not knowing and always wondering. It takes up lots of thought space to think about things from time to time and wonder about tons of possibilities.